Now, with two drummers.

So. To start, I returned from an 9 day trip to Italy to visit my family, and I started writing this note in my phone in my spare time, because I've actually NOT been glued to my computer (surprising), and there's only so much I can do on the ski lifts at Selle Nevea, and my focus, was, well, the one thing that I found important, and that was my family over the past week and a half or so.

I don't get to see much of my extended family that much, my grandparents, my aunts, uncles, cousins... about 80% of them live over in our little corner of friuli-venezia giulia, the far north east corner of italy. More specifically the provincial area of Udine and, well, on my mothers side, she comes from a little further west... But really, totally unimportant, to all my friends and readers, the amount of knowledge about the area that I could share with you is trivial to your existence, whereas what I can share about the way the dynamics work is much more... je ne sais quoi.

I spent most of the time, when I wasn't skiing with my two younger cousins, socializing, fraternizing, because... it's christmas. I can't escape that one, I feel the need, the draw to my family in ways that I haven't felt in years. To be honest, I've not been that close with my parents. When I was growing up, it was an us verses them mentality for most of my, from puberty till the time I was 24... It was a struggle of control, and to a lesser extent, still is grappling with the fact that we have to have a different relationship than we used to.

I know that when I talk about my family, most of you will have zero idea what i'm talking about. I don't share much about my family other than i have 5 brothers and sisters, and that I am both the oldest and adopted, and I live with my oldest younger brother.

My parents, as wise and as fantastic as they may be, as great of parents as they can become, are not perfect, and still had dramatic flaws in their parenting. Does that negate anything they've ever done? No. Does it negate the good that comes from them? Again no. They, for as creatively as they brought (well, technically are still bringing) up their six children, they fail to measure the perfect standard of which you'd imagine your parents to be. I know, I know, some of my friends parents are much more vile and reprehensible than my parents could ever be accused of, and this is not a comparison basis on 'woe, my parents are so awful', on the contrary, I really am speaking of the amazing ability to settle in as a family and just live.

We are intellectuals, for the most part, both of my parents work or have worked as professors for colleges, they're both intelligent, and strove their hardest to pass it on to us. Did they? Oh yes, a mighty success so far, considering all of my brothers and sisters aren't just the hard working type that can brute-force their way into a situation, but, that refined, almost uncanny subtlety that is never unwelcome (i mean, I can't say the same for my youngest brother, Gene, but, he still has some time left in him, 15 year old boys are quite the hellions). But, now that I've come to my cousins, I realize that we're more alike than I ever remember, even though it was only last year that I saw them, maybe it's been my 7 months of unemployed pondering that's caused me to rethink my position in life and what I really want. I don't know, but, I do know that my brother brought (well, he brings it on every trip), his taylor guitar, and i brought my yamaha guitar... and we play a lot together, we probably sit and play 4-5 times a week, just jamming on whatever interests us. His guitar is bright, expressive, bold, and definitely the lead soprano where mine is more ponderous, rich, heavy, a little muddled, but not cloying (my brother used to work in the wine industry, and i can feel his lingo rubbing off on me... and don't ask how much it cost to not only bring 2 sets of skis, but 2 guitars, and 2 suitcases over to italy. fuck you delta, that's all i'll mention)... we run together well though when we play, we have niches in each others stylings, my hands are slow and, rather feeble when it comes to playing with significant dexterity, but, i make up for it with a sweet sense of polyphony... really, it must have been the 11 years on piano and viola learning bach that's drilled that into me, but, when we touch the guitars together, we seem to locate this brilliant spot of music.

And then we shared it with my family.

My family is musical. All of them, most people who come from a musical background, with musical parents, have a family where everyone can play some instrument... My grandparents on both sides were musical. My aunts and uncles were musical. And it lead to all of us sitting in the drawing room of my dad's brother's house. My 5 sibilings, my parents, my dads two brothers and sisters in law, their 5 kids... and after breakfast on Sunday, my brother and I sat down with our guitars and played for a little while. One by one the rest of the family walked in. We weren't playing any songs, or for anyone but ourselves, but, they grabbed their instruments of choice. My brother Marky, was the first to come and sit with us, and he picked up a violin and added to our song, he was patient at first, considering we were playing some sort of drone-y acoustic metal of sorts (imagine acousitic Pelican), and he bowed in slowly, adding to our song, first following me, and then Rob, and then his own voice slowly took shape and was his own voice, relating, but not following, and my sister Diana sat at the piano with my two younger cousins (small asses?) and started kind of playing along too, wanting to get into the mix, and she instructed them as to what to do, playing the bass, tenor and soprano parts. with a cue from rob as to what key we were in and our general progression that we were using... they kinda fell into place too. gianna and fede are 8 and 11 (i think so...) and they too, played with us. My mother comes in while my father and aunt are doing the dishes... and, her natural instrument is the oboe and bassoon (i know... right?), but, as there was neither, i think she felt like playing the book on the coffee table... Tapping, rasping the coffee table, clicking her shoes against the wooden floor, providing a backbone to our melodies and harmonies... and by now, I was just unaware, completely void of expressions outside of what i could feel my fingers picking and fretting, eyes closed, listening to the beat of my mother, the bass of fede on the piano, the somber melody of marky and robbie droning on and on (playing in D Minor (with myself in drop d, and robbie in open d minor). By now, the rest of the family is sitting with us on couches and chairs and lounges... my uncle grabs a concerntina... yeah. an accordion like piece if you googled it. We start blending together, our tones kinda fade behind one another, and when one person starts to surge, we match it or sit behind it.

I stopped in my thought for a minute, and said. Wow. This is what family is all about, not in the physical sense so much, but in the additive sense. It's analogous to so much of what we try to do as a family mentally, but, subconsciously for us, musically for us, its expressed so easily and freely without the stresses and strains of life that cause us to fail in our goals of musical freedom. We're all going to have to fit into this space, this orchestrita of sorts. When we stumble, go the wrong direction, hit a wrong note, go out of key, it's diminished and absorbed and shadowed by everyone else, in a, together we're strong sense, and when we move, we move together and forward, when we build to the climactic part, we all sorta recognize our parts and increase the intensity, we push our need for individual space in search of a cooperativism that seeks to develop our final goal, that last chord, that last note that we don't know, and one by one we drop out after 15 minutes of not playing the same thing over, but, playing it together in ways that weren't explored before because at each instance where we are playing the same cord, the results are never the same, there's never going to be the exact same combination of notes played at that time. The next time we come to this refrain, there'll be a slightly different melody, or a stray diminished chord, a different rhythm fill from the coffee table section... my mother, as much as i've despised her ability to act rationally, only does what she thinks is best, she wants to be supportive, and give balance to her children, she wants to dictate the tempo she thinks is best sometimes instead of letting the tempo, and the childs inner heart think on its own time. I felt her rushing things, to conform to her opinion on what it needs instead of listening to everyone else and coming to a consensus of her best course of action. You can't, in any relationship move without affecting the other, you cannot impart your will upon someone else without significant recourse, time waits for no man, and you cannot under any circumstances change that. The moments that she lost looking towards robbie as a sinner she can never get back, only because she didn't want to change the tune she was carrying when she introduced a new tune in the world. She's slowly, ever so slowly, engaged this better with the other boys (and for some reason, the girls? we never have had real problems with her... but the boys? god. i cannot understand still why she acts the way she does with them). I cannot abide by a life like that, and when I have kids (oh my), there's little to say that I won't become like her through hormones or my own shortcomings, but, I would be breaking my vow of compassion that I took when I was 17, and my own philosophy, my own growth and ability come not from my ability to impart what I want my children to be, but helping them become what they already are.

That Said, from Stuff White People Like:

"White people love “gifted” children, do you know why? Because an astounding 100% of their kids are gifted! Isn’t that amazing?

I’m pretty sure the last non-gifted white child was born in 1962 in Reseda, CA. Since then, it’s been a pretty sweet run."